Let’s just pretend that I actually blogged about each of theses episodes every week that they came out, and not all at once, 3 weeks late. I mean, I won’t tell if you don’t tell. Deal? Deal.
Episode 3: Bad Friend
We all knew that Hannah and Elijah’s new living arrangement wasn’t going to last long, but I didn’t think it was going to end after a cocaine induced confession from Elijah about his sexual tryst with Marnie. In this competition between Marnie and Hannah to see who is the worst friend the score is now 1-1. Hannah used Marnie’s feelings about falling out of love with Charlie as writing material. Marnie had sex with Hannah’s ex-turned-gay-roomie-but-now-could-be-bisexual Elijah. That seems like a fair trade. But I’m giving Marnie a good friend point for being the only to question Hannah’s mesh-tank-top-sans-bra outfit. Really though high or not, how could she walk through a drug store looking like that?! Updated bad friend score, Marnie 0, Hannah 1.
On another note, Booth Jonathan is a certified weirdo. I would’ve cried if it was me locked up in that television thing with the True Blood opening credits running on loop. So note to self, never crawl into some strange television contraption being portrayed as art, by a man with two names who still uses AOL. I gotta give it to Marnie though, she handled all that like a G from the t.v. art to the super awkward stare-at-the-doll-and-tell-me-how-she-feels sex. This just felt like too much forced randomness for me. Personally, the crack episode > the cocaine episode.
Favorite line: Well you know what? Maybe I don’t care about being polite, okay? Cuz it’s a Wednesday night baby *slaps chest* and I’m alive!
Episode 4: It’s a Shame About Ray
Let me start by asking, are TJ’s (I’m calling Thomas-John TJ from now on) dad and I the only ones that totally hate it when restaurants won’t seat you until your whole party is there? Like 50% of my 4 person party is here, SHOW US TO OUR TABLE. Besides the seating policy, did you notice the A-1 sauce on the table in the steakhouse? I’m not paying $200 for this meal to use A-1! As far as real plot points go, Jessa was a heroin addict?! umm.. WHAT! And apparently heroin is delicious as long as you only snort it and not shoot it. Let’s hope she was just saying this to get under her mother-in-law’s skin. Speaking of skin, maybe Jessa should invest in a good face cream if she is going to look 50 when she is 30. I’m just saying, if that’s what life experience looks like, maybe I’ll just stay in my room and watch the free sprits live on t.v., so I can look 30 when I’m 30 (which actually isn’t that far away).
Okay, dinner numero dos! Marnie, is it strange that the word butthole freaks you out? Yes. Is it not strange that you showed up to a dinner at best friend’s apartment? No. So, stand your ground with that headband wearing, mustard making, jealous psycho, Audrey. And geez, Hannah way to take Audrey’s side, just because Marnie doesn’t think about Charlie’s butthole. Updated bad friend score Marnie 0, Hannah 2. I don’t want to talk about this too long but, sheesh Ray, 33 with no passions, no house, and scamming your way into living with your 21-year-old girlfriend. That’s a rough road, that unfortunately probably isn’t less traveled.
Don’t you love singing in the shower/bath tub when you think you’re home alone? I love it! Let’s sing together.. ready?!
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don’t know how
You’re gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You’re my wonderwall
Big ups to 90’s alternative bands! You all still rock on in small section of my heart. Hannah though, I am way more concerned that you are sharing cold bath water with your friend, that you may or may not have already peed in, than I am about Jessa’s snot rocket. To each their own I guess.
Favorite line: Jessa – “Eww. I hate when people are early, it’s so vile.” I couldn’t agree more with this statement.
Episode 5: One Man’s Trash
Hmph.. I don’t even know what to say about this episode, but it is everything great about Girls and everything that is wrong with Girls, all wrapped in one 30 minute episode. Hannah’s idea to apologize to a man for using his trash can seemed strangely noble for her, until she kissed him. That’s the moment I knew this was going to get weird and there was no coming back. Are we really supposed to believe that a 42-year-old doctor is having that hard of a time getting laid, that he is forced to sleep with a random 24-year-old girl that showed up at his door step, to apologize for using his trash can? Maybe he has such a hard time getting laid because he is too worried about people calling him Joshua and not Josh. Anyways, Hannah got to spend 2 days eating steak, playing topless ping pong, and seeing how responsible adults live. The fairytale sex venture came to a conclusion when she stayed in the hot steam shower until she fainted (I think on purpose). For a brief moment, when Hannah begins to cry, you think she might have reached some point of self-realization that is going to change the direction of her character, but no this didn’t change her at all. She is still so unbelievably self-absorbed that she says things like “if anything I’m just too smart and too sensitive and too not crazy. So I’m just feeling all these things for everybody else”. Maybe, just maybe if you weren’t so busy trying to have all these experiences you could actually feel something real. Hannah and Jessa probably made a promise to each other, a long time ago in a bathtub, that they would have as many experiences as they possible could. In their separate quests for life experiences, both of them have been caught up in accomplishing all the experiences of life, but neither of them have been fixated on having experiences that speak to their souls or reshape their philosophical beliefs.
I like the episodes totally focused on one person but this one left me with a ton of questions like: does Hannah even own a bra? honestly, has anyone ever seen a bra in her close vicinity? Someone buy this girl a bra! Other questions I have are: why would a 42-year-old man beg a woman, who refuses to call you by the name of your choice, to stay the night? or how long does one have to stay in a sauna to actually lose consciousness? and why didn’t she just get out of the shower? These questions need answers, let me know if you have them.
Oh, if you haven’t seen Patrick Wilson in Hard Candy make it a point to see it soon.
Also, I know that this doesn’t include tonight’s episode, but I figured you would be tried of reading by now. Plus, I haven’t watched it yet. *sigh*